Various Rants

I am a few months behind on posting my rants. Some of these came from the holiday season, therefore may appear outdated.

Holiday Rants
  • One of the many highlights of my holiday season: buying a CD at ZIA in Tempe and having the cashier, who sounded like Jeff Spicoli, read the name on my debit card in a while telling me my last name sounded "Metal".
  • Here is an X-mas shopping rant. I went to Borders which, besides Bookmans and the library, has the largest book inventory. Looked up Personal Foul by Tim Donaghy on their self serve computer directories: "NOT IN STORES". This book came out a month before Christmas and was talked about on every sports program that covered the NBA. It's not like it's a rare book from an small indie press. This is the type of non-intuitiveness in retail that hurt the record stores. Get with it, Borders!
  • The best thing about the concept of Santa Claus: not having to wrap large and oddly shaped gifts. Just place the gift near the tree with a bow attached. The element of surprise is already there when the family member wakes up to find that Santa left a gift. No gift wrap needed.

Music Rants
  • Although Chuck D. doesn't actually rap on it, "Kool Thing" by Sonic Youth is truly the most powerful rock/rap collaboration EVER. The fact that Kim Gordon and Chuck D unite over their mutual disgust for LLCool J solidifies my revelation.
  • I learned a very important lesson about jukebox wars: there is absolutely no way to trump a David Allen Coe "classic".
  • My top 5 musicians born on January 8th: 1. David Bowie 2. Elvis Presley 3. Robbie Krieger (The Doors) 4. Mike Reno (Loverboy) 5. Jenny Lewis (Rilo Kiley). Sorry, R. Kelly.
  • If your band has been around for 10 years and you are still pulling only 10 people to your shows, now is not the time to perform your entire 10 year catalog on stage. And if you didn't hear what people were saying, no matter how much you play faster and harder, they still think you sound like Creed.
  • You would think that a band called Neon Trees wouldn't look so gray and dull.
  • I wasn't expecting Inward Eye to rock. I should had done my homework. They're from Canada and have songs that sound like The Clash's more pop-oriented material.
  • Nico Vega = Yeah Yeah Yeahs with screamo vocals and less imaginative guitars.
  • One thing I always wondered: did Grand Funk Railroad ever actually play funk music?
  • Storm The Beach ripped it up a few weeks back. Impressed. The oldest punk rock guitarist I have ever seen. Older than any of the guys in the Relics. Yes, perhaps even older than any of the guitarists who have ever played in One Foot in the Grave.
  • So all your prayers have been answered. Scorpion vs Tarantula finally hired a bass player and became a quartet. They've always rocked but damn does that bottom end help.
  • This is not an endorsement of Social Distortion, although I have been a fan in the past. I just want to say that covers of "Ring of Fire" should start and stop with Social D. Hearing 2nd rate "punked up" covers of this Johnny Cash classic during jewelry commercials and TV theme songs must stop.
  • I recently heard the most ridiculous thing scanning through XM/Sirius. On the 90's\grunge station Lithium they are advertising "Black Hole Sundays" for those who want to hear Soundgarden all day. My bet is that they don't even play anything off Ultramega OK.
  • Okay, every once in awhile I like to play "Dream Weaver" on the jukebox for giggles. But to hear some newly turned 21 year old young lady say "Oh My God...It's Flock Of Seagulls" is truly priceless humor in so many ways.
  • I saw a band the other night (name escapes me) that sounded like either a really bad Jimmy Eat World knockoff or Journey. I couldn't decide which one.
  • Hey bands: when you set up your Myspace page, make sure you don't put any booking/contact info. And while you are it, please make sure you don't add a proper description of yourself in the "About" section, like a bio or anything. And when you upload songs, make sure you select the option that doesn't allow anyone to add songs to their Myspace playlists. You wouldn't want your music to go viral now, would you?
  •  I saw Toad for the first time. Powerful rock. It was like stoner-synth-punk.
Food/TV/Sports/Culture Rants
  • Something I was pondering while watching a Cardinals game a few weeks back: when does Chips & Salsa stop becoming a snack and start becoming a meal? 1/4 bag in? Half bag? Now, I hate to go "Andy Rooney" on my readers, however when you think about salsa, some say it's a dip and some say it's a condiment. Shouldn't salsa technically be considered a salad?
  • Now this made me chuckle. Vince Thomas from NBA.com calls cornrolls the "NBA Mullet". www.nba.com/2009/news/features/vince_thomas/11/17/retired/index.html?ls=iref:nbahpt1
  • Comments about 3 commercials I saw while watching episodes of the second season of S.O.A.. 1. Even when he is telling people to drink responsibly, I still can't stand Kid Rock. I wonder what all his new friends in Nashville think about him pimping cherry flavored bourbon. 2. Some dude just taught us how to make a Disarano and cranberry. Gee...guess what the ingredients were? Unbelievable. 3. "From the director of Juno...starring George Clooney"...yikes.
  • I loved watching the Lou Amundson dunk over Zack Randolph during the first Memphis-Phoenix meeting this season. Randolph laughed because he knew he deserved the payback after the stunt he pulled last year. Is there better revenge for getting smacked in the face during an NBA game than to posterize your nemesis? Now someone needs to teach Steve Nash how to dunk over Tracy McGrady.
  • Cardinal games are not as fun to watch without Kurt Warner. Maybe Leinart can do a beer bong during the game to entertain me.
  •  I hate the "WIRED" gimmick on the TNT/ESPN NBA Broadcasts. I don't want to hear what the coaches are saying because they never let us hear anything worthwhile. I don't want to hear Kobe "be himself" on the court. Hey NBA, do you want to make it fun and worthwhile? Turn that mic up whenever there is a altercation. Let us hear what Rasheed actually says to the ref before he gets hit with a "T".
  • I watched X-Files: I Want To Believe finally. Now that it is revealed that Mulder and Scully have a romantic connection and are physically involved, anyone find it odd that they still call each other by their last name?
  •  If there are any single or divorced men reading this who are thinking about getting married , watch Deadly Women on the ID network. One episode of that show might change your mind.
  • I was watching Serial Mom at a friend's house this past weekend. I was trying to guess the year it came out. Rikki Lake looked so young but Matthew Lillard played her brother and looked around the same age. Come to find out that the movie came out in 1994 and Lillard recently turned 40. Shocked me...I thought he was much younger.
  • I just looked up Youth In Revolt on Wikipedia. Someone please tell me why Michael Cera is still playing 16 Year old boys in movies. The dude is like almost 30 now, right?
  • There is justice in the world when a great actor like Gary Oldman finally gets top billing in a blockbuster movie playing opposite Denzel Washington.
  • Since Guy Ritchie has been setting up sequels in his last 2 films, I just hope the sequel to RockNRolla comes out first.
  • Only in the NBA can a player who has only played 47 minutes the entire season thus far due to injury and is on the trading block be 2nd place in All Star voting for West Conference guards. Just because of China and the fact he is teammates with Yao Ming. Then again, if the NBA separated Shooting Guards and Point Guards in the voting categories,this wouldn't be an issue. Fortunately Nash ended up winning that second spot.
  • So I realize that a show like "The Jersey Shore" will be laughed at, ridiculed, mocked, and then forgotten about six months after it goes off the air. My question is why can't we just ignore crap like this to begin with? Why can't we, as a society, just shake our heads, turn the channel, and let our initial lack of enthusiasm speak for itself? How can such creative minds be so easily amused?
  • The Taco Bell Drive-Thru diet? OK, they got my attention. I actually like the Fresca-style tacos. But keep this in mind: Atleast Jared walked or rode his bike to Subway every day. I am not sure how not even getting out of your car is going to burn those Taco Bell calories.
  • Someone just offered me a Velamint. Ofcourse I ate it, but do they even make these anymore? How old do you think this mint was? It was still yummy.
  • I wonder if they have a patch for Mentos addiction
  • Watching these Cisco commercials I realize that Ellen Page really needs a good movie script to showcase her "charm"
  • I stayed up late one night to watch Die Hard on Spike. They are now showing commercials for penis pumps on TV. They are using the whole E.D. angle to push them. They even had a half-dozen testimonials from various senior citizens. Bizarre
  • Which beer company showcases their customers as total douchebags more? Budweiser or Miller Lite?

Fatherhood Rants
  • One of the instructors at my son's karate school claims to have once been Chuck Norris' bodyguard. Why would Chuck Norris need a bodyguard? He's freakin' Chuck Norris! Doesn't anyone at this school read the internet and know how awesome Chuck Norris is?
  • The Monday before Thanksgiving, I had lunch at my son's school and participated in the turkey trot .Now I can see where my lunch money goes.Microwaved bagel dogs? And if the kids want PB&J instead, they have to spread it on themselves. WTF!
  • I can't help to think that the music teacher at my son's school looks like the lead singer of Samiam. Maybe the school orchestra will breakout into "Capsized".
  • I was stoked to hear "Grace" by Supergrass on my son's Lego Rock Band last night.

Miscellaneous Rants
  • If my cat is smart enough to understand the concept of my alarm in the mornings, how come he doesn't understand what the snooze button is?
  • "Ya gotta love this", "Ya gotta love that". No, I don't gotta love it. Not everything I once deemed as terrible deserves my sense of irony.
  • Time management doesn't seem like a option for someone who multi-tasks between things that are his responsibility and things he is passionate about.
  • Think twice before offering suggestions to an ambitious delegater.
  • From this point forward, I no longer work at "Hollywood Alley in Mesa". Instead, I work at "Hollywood Alley located in the heart of the DoRa district in west Mesa".
  • There is citrus-scented hand sanitizer at my day job that, when applied, smells like a Absolut Citron & tonic. It always makes me wish there was a happy hour in my near future.
  • The best Hot Toddy recipe in the world. Cup of hot water, one squeeze of a lemon, one shot of Wild Turkey Honey Liqueur. That's it.
  • I am not a fashion cop but track pants with chain wallets look awful.


  
    
  Share on Facebook



Posted by Will Tynor - aka Vil Vodka at 1/19/2010 6:22 AM
Categories: Myspace Nonsense, Drink Recipes, Rants
Tags: Taco Bell Nico Vega Matthew Lilliard christmas Sonic Youth Deadly Women Jersey Shore NFL Ellen Page mints Inward Eye Kid Rock Mike Reno Robby Krieger Neon Trees Chuck D Borders Soundgarden Samiam Chuck Norris David Bowie Guy Ritchie Michael Cera X-Files Elvis Presley Scorpion Vs. Tarantula NBA Tim Donaghy Storm The Beach Supergrass Jenny Watson Flock of Seagulls Toad George Clooney Social Distortion
 

What did you think of this article?




Trackbacks
Trackback specific URL for this post
  • No trackbacks exist for this post.
Comments
  • No comments exist for this post.
Leave a comment

Submitted comments are subject to moderation before being displayed.

 Enter the above security code (required)

 Name

 Email (will not be published)

 Website

Your comment is 0 characters limited to 3000 characters.